I'm not entirely sure how to start this post or what I want it to be. I've known that I needed to post on here for a while but I have stopped myself every time at the thought of reopening these emotions. I've wanted this post to be perfect and completed once i'm done healing but I realized that will never be. I have to just jump into it and so thats what i'm doing.
There isn't any perfect way to say this but last year on November 8th, 2022, my mom Lori Ann Welty passed away after a 2.5 year battle with Stage 4 Kidney Cancer. The rest of 2022 and so far into 2023 has been the most difficult, beautiful and emotional 10 months that I will ever experience. On the weekend of Halloween last year my dad called me and told me how my moms condition had worsened and that he wanted me to fly home. That same day I flew from San Diego to Detroit and I visited my mom at a local hospital the next day. We all thought she would be out of the hospital in the next few days and that it would all be good. Unfortunately, her condition was much worse than what we knew. She was then moved to a hospital in Toledo, then the Cleveland Clinic and we finally made the call to move her into hospice care at our home which only lasted 1 night. My mom ended up passing away surrounded by her friends and family around 5am that morning in her own bedroom.
This past year has been immensely difficult. I have met so many new people, had so many great experiences but also had my fair share of emotional times. The biggest thing I have learned has been the value of life. I have started appreciating those closest to me even more. I've started living every day to it's fullest and I have completely changed mentally and I can confidently say I am a better person than I was a year ago. My whole life I haven't had to struggle for much and I always thought that a "turning point" of sorts would occur and the loss of my mom was that point.
I have been getting a lot better but it always comes in waves. I just got done with an hour long call with my dad and we both realized that yesterday was the 10 month mark of my mom's passing and that we both did not realize that until today. This has happened two months in a row now but we have seen it as a sign of moving forward. I absolutely hate crying but it is necessary sometimes and during my call with my dad I cried the hardest I have for months (sorry to my suite mates Blake and Justin if you heard me balling, i'm okay).
I have no idea where to go with this post but I just know I need to post something. One thing that I have been working towards every day has been making my mom proud. On the last night that my mom was alive I sat next to her one on one and just spoke openly to her for the last time. During that talk I tried so hard not to cry but I failed of course lol. I felt the same as I do now but I told her that I was so incredibly grateful to have had her as my mom. Lori Welty is the most beautiful soul ever and it is hard because in every guy or girl I meet I try and find parts of her in them but I haven't succeeded to much yet. I told my mom that night that me, my dad and my brother would be okay, that I loved her infintely, that she is the most beautiful person ever and I also told her that I was going to return to school in California and live out every goal we talked about. I told her that no matter what I would make her proud and that I was still going to start my own company, get rich and live in California.
One part that hurts the most is where my mom fit into my life. Thinking about an empty front row seat at my wedding one day has me crying in my room as I type this. Times during the day where I would call her and talk about my day has not been the same. She was always here for me no matter what and from relationship advice to how I tie a bowtie or do laundry.
The thoughts of my mom never goes away and I think about her genuinely every second of the day. However, the thoughts have changed from making me sad constantly to. more positive view. I think about her now when I do something cool, when I went skydiving last year I thought about her the entire time and just wished I could tell her about it but I know now that she was watching me do it the entire time.
Moving forward with this page is going to be difficult. I am more determined than ever to grow this page but it has been difficult with this post to even open the site. I haven't looked at this page in 10 months because it reopens these emotions every single time.
I am immensely greatful to my dad, my brother, my aunt jodi, my family, my friends, all of my moms friends that have stepped into my life and played huge roles (shoutout to Ms. Jorgensen, Frankel and Smith for taking me to get ramen, I'm looking forward to it when I get back), and to everyone in my life that has reached out and given me a hand in these past 10 months during all of the happy and ugly/ hard times.
And lastly my mom, I love you so incredibly much Lori Ann Welty, I even got a peony tattoo with Jackson just for you, I want to find someone that gives off the same energy that you did. You are truly the most kind hearted person I have ever met and I love you infinitely. I hope to make you proud daily and to share the same kindness and happiness with all those in my life since it is exactly what you would have done.
Love you infinitely momma, I hope you have a great seat up above and are able to watch how I live my life and make you proud.
-Tucker, tucky, t-pain, tuck <3